Tradition 12 - “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”
Before I came to S-Anon, I got to know people by asking questions about the basic facts of their lives, like what they had studied, where they worked, and who they knew. I would share similar details about my own life and worked hard to have the “right” answers. In one of my first S-Anon meetings, I remember looking at the strangers around me and feeling anxious because no one knew anything about me. Thankfully, I listened to the meeting guidelines—“We leave our other identities outside the discussion—other Twelve-Step issues, philosophies, religions, therapies, and occupations”—and kept that information to myself.
In time, my Higher Power gently pointed out the line in the S-Anon Problem about believing “that we were not worthwhile and lovable” and showed me that I was obsessed with trying to keep people from questioning my worth. I related to a member share in Working the S-Anon Program, 2nd Edition: “For most of my life, I was trying to heal my being by doing” (p. 53). I had worked hard to be successful and earn approval, but all of that “doing” never eliminated my fear that I wasn’t worthwhile. After my partner’s sexaholism came out, I immediately blamed myself, believing that I wasn’t enough.
By working the S-Anon program, I have come to believe that I am worthy, and that I did not cause my partner’s addiction. Today, embracing anonymity helps me to rest in my “being”—the miraculous fact of my existence. By freeing me to share my true self and listen to others’ shares without external distractions, anonymity ultimately helps me to know myself, my Higher Power, and my fellows on a much more intimate level. I know in the depths of my being that I am loved and accepted just as I am, and living in light of that truth is slowly—one day at a time—turning me into the person my Higher Power created me to be.
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